Catmas carols

Apparently drunk on tea and manic creativity, I just flooded Twitter and FB with Catmas carols.

In case anyone wants to see the whole bunch, I'm copying them here.

And I'm going to stop now, because I don't want to tell my copyediting client he's not getting his manuscript back tomorrow.

Kitten purrs, kitten purrs/Purring all the way/Oh what joy it is to hear a kitten purr today, hey! #catmascarols #jinglekittens

Kitten purrs, kitten purrs/It’s purring time by the heater/Purr and purr/Hear them purr/Soon it will be Catmas Day. #catmascarols #silvercats

O holy cats, the kittens are a-purring/It is the night of the sweet kitten’s purr…/Fall on your knees! Oh, give the kitten scritchies! #catmascarols #oholycats

God rest ye merry, gentlecats/Let nothing you dismay/Remember Bast, our Savior/Looks over us this day. #catmascarols #merrygentlecats

O come all ye kittens/Joyful and purricious/O come ye, o come ye/To eat gooshy food. #catmascarols #comeallyekittens

We three cats who rule your house are/Bearing gifts we traverse afar/Couch to armchair/Your fav’rite rug there/A hairball inside your boudoir. #catmascarols #wethreecats

We wish you a Merry Catmas, we wish you a Merry Catmas, we wish you a Merry Catmas, and a Treat—filled New Year! #catmascarols #merrycatmas

Do you hear what I hear?/A cat, a cat/Purring by the fire/With a sound as big as a lion. #catmascarols #doyouhearacatpurr

Last Catmas, I gave you a mouse/The very next day, you threw it away/This year, to save me from tears/I’ll give you a squishy hairball. #catmascarols #lastcatmas

Feed the cats/Let them know it’s Catmastime. #catmascarols #feedthecats #catcharitysongs #cataid

12 bowls of wet food/11 laps to sit on/10 catnip treats/9 laser pointers/8 beds to nap in/7 fish a-swimming/6 turkey drumsticks/5 HOURS OF SCRITCHIES/4 feather toys/3 paper bags/2 mouse-shaped things/and a pardon for climbing up the Yule treeeee #catmascarols #12daysofcatmas

Edit: I'm adding everyone's offerings as I see them!

Oh catmas tree oh catmas tree, with branches made of catnip, your shiney bells to me foretells, tumbling through and backflip.... (Vicki-Marie Petrick)

~~~

Away in a catbox I don't use my beds
This sweet little kitty digs, spatters and shreds,
The season's for giving and so I will leave
Turds, birdies, and dead mice for you to receive.

The humans are moaning, they say it's a mess
But these are the gifts that I proudly profess
And you'd better like it or you'll get instead
Some cat barf and hairballs right smack in your bed.

(Meg Burns)

Spooky(esque) stories for the Halloween season!

It’s October, and you know what that means? It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Well, it is if you turn into a crazy woman because of Halloween. I love me some Halloween, baby.

It surprises me that I don’t have any stories set at Halloween, something my creative brain is trying to rectify as I type. But I do have some fantasy stories with vampires and ghosts and Old Scratch himself, so if you’re looking for some holiday-themed reading, here are my suggestions!

(Note: None of these are super-spooky, and all of them have some level of humor. Because, well, it’s me we’re talking about.)

“Blood Relations”

The woman known as the "Vegan Martha Stewart" learns who her infamous father really is...and their relationship threatens to ruin their respective empires. A funny fantasy short story—with a bite!

Amazon Kindle | Barnes & Noble Nook | Smashwords

“The Devil Went Down to the Sunset Strip”

Angrrr Management were four talented guys. (They really were. I wasn't just some starry-eyed groupie; I knew decent music and I knew stage presence.) Talented, yes, and awfully pretty, all of them. And every last one of them was dumber than a post. Had they never HEARD of Robert Johnson?

"The Devil Went Down to the Sunset Strip" is a hilarious urban fantasy short story about 80s hair metal and selling your soul to Satan.

Includes bonus short story "Hell's Belles"!

Amazon Kindle | Barnes & Noble Nook | Smashwords

“Feline Design”

Even Satan needs a vacation once in awhile. But perhaps taking the form of a fuzzy kitten wasn't the smartest of ideas.... A Miranda Contreau paranormal short story.

Amazon Kindle | Barnes & Noble Nook | Smashwords

“Hell’s Belles”

Teaching etiquette to a spoiled debutante can be hell...literally. A funny fantasy with a wicked Southern twang.

Includes bonus story "The Devil Went Down to the Sunset Strip"!

Amazon Kindle | Barnes & Noble Nook | Smashwords

“Some Old Lover’s Ghost”

Helena runs Paranormal Manifestation Services--PMS for short. When she's hired by Beth and Marguerite to find out why a ghost is bothering Marguerite, she doesn't expect to get a crush on Beth...which makes things especially awkward when she learns who the ghost is. Rainbow Reviews called this short story "unexpectedly romantic [and] heart-wrenching."

Includes a bonus interview with the author about the writing of the story, her own paranormal experiences, and more.

Amazon Kindle | Barnes & Noble Nook | Smashwords

About Dayle (in case you're new here)

DAYLE A. DERMATIS’s short fantasy has been called “funny (and rather ingenious),” “something new and something fresh,” and “really, really good!” Under various pseudonyms (and sometimes with coauthors), she’s sold several novels and more than 100 short stories in multiple genres. She lives in southern California within scent of the ocean, and she and her husband spend their spare time following Styx around the country (and sometimes out of it), exploring the world via motorcycle, renovating their 1911 Craftsman home, and doing historic re-creation, all of which inspires her writing. She loves music, cats, Wales, TV, magic, laughter, and defying expectations. To find out where she is today, check out DayleDermatis.com.

The end of the world as we know it...

"Famous Last Words"

You think you’re panicking about the e-book revolution? How do you think the print books feel? A funny short story about the end of the publishing world as we know it….

Available in a variety of electronic formats
Amazon |  Barnes & Noble |  Smashwords

Run, Charlie, run!

So we get home to upstate NY after two days of driving from GA, and I tell Mom to get the water turned on while I unpack the car. I tell her I’m leaving the door open to (a) air the condo out and (b) I don’t have to put things down to open the door every time I come in with a load of stuff.

She says “No, mice will get in!”

I’m all, “Mom, we’re both stomping around right by the door. Any mice will be scared off.”

Then I go back out for a load, and all I can envision is a bunch of mice under the bush by the front door suddenly perking up and going “Hey! Hey! The front door is fucking open! Gogogo! Charlie, Reg, Benedict, get in there! Run like the wind!”

(I don’t know why the mice are British expatriates. Just go with it.)

Another great tag line!

Fellow Oregon Coast Writers workshopper Mark D. West tagged me on his website:

"She has more pseudonyms than a room full of mobsters."

I love it! Thanks, Mark!

See? It's the keyboard's fault

Even though I don't believe in writer's block, this made me laugh and laugh!