Keeping breathing...

So, as I said to a few friends privately, I feel as though I can breathe again. The family member who is ill has made great strides…it will be a long road, but much of the fear is gone. Yes, it’s a cliché, but it does feel like a weight has lifted.

When you’re worried about someone in the hospital, it consumes you. It’s hard to let go, to think about other things; normal routines seem pointless and difficult. Feeling happiness feels like a betrayal. When you work in a creative field, it’s even harder: You struggle with whether what you’re doing is important or necessary or worthwhile, and gods, it’s so hard to be creative when you’re worried or scared or consumed.

I don’t think I was even aware of the fog ‘til it lifted. I’m sort of stunned by how bright the world is again. And I can really look forward to the things I’m looking forward to:

• Ken’s coming home! I’ll have another session of getting crazy amounts of work done at the airport while waiting for him (so I don’t have to drive there in the dark) on Tuesday, and then he’ll be home!
• Five—count ‘em, five!—Styx shows in a row, starting next week! And for four of them, we’re road-tripping with my friend Sara from Arizona. She’s flying in for show to, and the adventure will culminate in Arizona with the last show.
• A trip to LACMA to see their Fashioning Fashion exhibit.
• Anwyn’s coming to visit!  ::squeebouncity!::
• Nanci & Lenny’s annual awesome Superbowl party. I go for the friends, not for the game (as every year, I have no clue who’s even playing).
• Flying back to GA to visit family—this time, a much more positive and hopeful trip!
• Seeing Dennis De Young perform—it’s been way too long.
• Road-tripping to Oregon with Ken: We’re hauling the two old bikes up there for him and his buddy Ernie to get into selling condition, and I’m going to an Oregon Coast Writers workshop. Four of us ladies are sharing a room, and there will be a major gab-fest the night before the workshop starts!
• Then in March, two more Gowan shows! And this time, Ken’s coming, too! And Nanci and Helen again, and we will meet up with lots of other Gowan fans, and lo, Niagara Falls will never be the same.

Meanwhile, I have a slew of things to do before that Styxgian road trip… Back to work!