New Year's Eve you come and you go

As the year draws to a close, I’m feeling a little melancholy; in part, I think, to the fact that I have a cold (everyone feels a little meh with a cold) and also in part to the fact that we had a nifty plan for tonight, but it fell through.

There’s a 5K run into the New Year starting at 11:55 pm tonight. Unfortunately, while we both said “That sounds like a good idea,” neither of us added “So let’s actually sign up.” Then I caught this cold…. We decided a couple of days ago to do it, probably just walking the whole thing, while discussing our goals and plans for the New Year. Walking with intention is how I thought of it. Intention feels like it’s going to be one of my mantra words in 2012 (and in life in general). But the run is on a military base, and although I knew we had to sign up ahead of time, I didn’t realize how far ahead, and we missed the deadline.

So. We may take a walk at midnight, or we may just sit and talk. Ken’s not much into ceremony or ritual, so it’s really just another night to him, but he respects where I’m coming from. He’s also taking a nap right now so he’ll be awake at midnight.  ;-)

It’s been a tough year. It’s been a tough couple of years, really, but 2011…oof. Yet, as I think about it, a lot of good came out of all the stress and sickness and problems and tears and fears. Flying to GA every other month was exhausting, but my sister has gotten better and better—better than anyone expected. Ken was in a horrific accident, but he’s going to be 100%—and it’s spurred him to focus on his own health. I’ve battled a variety of health issues, but I also ran/walked my first 5K, and intend to fully run one early next year, and then who knows? I’m not sure what my overall goals are there—I’ve never felt the urge to run a marathon—but we’ll take it one step (or 5K, or whatever) at a time.

So many good things did happen in 2011: Styx shows, more friends than I can mention, fun travel (Boise, Sedona, Monterey, Albuquerque, Vegas, LA, Tahoe), writing workshops, a new tattoo, TV show tapings, story acceptances. Seeing Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer on Halloween. Meeting the women who saved Ken’s life. Ken being alive and well.

Good things are planned for 2012 already: Styx and Gowan shows, NAMM, writing workshops, Phoenix Comicon, friends and family. Writing. Publishing.

What about resolutions? I don’t make them, per se. I dream dreams, and then set goals that will help me achieve, or get closer, to those dreams.

What’s the difference? Goals, you have control over. Dreams, not so much. A dream is to lose 20 lbs. A goal is to work out 5x/week, or cut out dairy, or whatever.

I haven’t figured out all my goals yet. Right now, they’re more about me than about things out there. Like, continuing to take better care of myself (Health is a big focus for both of us right now). Pondering intention. The concept that The Obstacle Is the Path. The truth that success is often buried in what looks like failure. (If you don’t set a goal or dream, you don’t have something to work towards. And even if you don’t achieve what you hoped, you achieved a hell of a lot more than you would have achieved if you didn’t have something to shoot for.) Meditation. Silence. The Good Catches Up.

I’ll probably ramble about some or all of this in the coming days. Because one of my goals is to blog more. (Whether that ends up being for myself or things I actually post, I don’t know. I just missed a lot of this year, and I like to be able to look back.)

At any rate, as always, here’s the Neil Gaiman quote that always resonates with me:

Strangely, I’m not feeling too melancholy anymore….