Many of you, upon learning of Ken’s accident, made a point of reminding me to take care of myself during this crazy time. And I appreciate that, because while I intellectually know that I can’t be there for Ken if I’m not mentally and physically healthy and rested (and I always give the same advice to others), I’m not necessarily good at putting it into practice.
Also, I know I’m not good at asking for help. It’s hard for me, for whatever reason. Oh, there are some projects where I’m just peachy fine at delegation, but when it comes to everyday life, not so much. Morgana even offered to set up a Yahoogroup for me (as a friend of ours did when she had a hysterectomy)…but here’s the problem:
I don’t know what help I need.
I mean, folks have already brought some meals, and that is absolutely a huge help. I don’t enjoy cooking, and although I picked up ingredients for several meals, it’s nice to know I have a few things I can grab out of the freezer when I just can’t face cooking.
I kinda want to say it would be nice if someone could do the dishes, but really. It’s just some dishes.
Admittedly, I was feeling overwhelmed before Ken’s accident even happened, and had a bit of meltdown the day I drove down to Ontario for the IBR finish. I was planning to talk to Ken about how I needed help and he needed to take over some of the responsibilities of the house. (Hah.)
And yet…I can’t look at anything and see where I could ask a friend to pitch in. Most of this stuff is stuff I just need to do, or would take so long to explain to someone that it would be faster to do myself.
I made what I hope is a gentle To Do list for tomorrow, and there’s nothing on it I can foist off on someone else, except maybe the errands, but it would do me good to get out for a little bit. (Ken’s self-sufficient enough that I can leave for an hour or two—if I thought I needed to be out longer, I would ask someone to come and hang out with him.) The rest of my list is things like phone calls and emails and wrapping some presents so I can mail them and get them out of my house, and canceling my flight to Denver because I can’t go to the Styx show at Red Rocks (did I mention I screwed up tickets to both the Greek and LA County Fair shows, so this would have been my only front-row show by a long stretch? Yeah. Fuck.). I have managed to get receipts input into Quicken, and I’ve done laundry (still need to put it away, though). The cleaning lady is coming on Friday, which will help immensely.
So what do I ask friends to do, when they ask if they can help? They can’t write my emails, or write my novels or submit my stories (and yes, I could take time off from this, but I’m actually itching to write right now—too long without words and I get all out of sorts).
I guess all I can ask for is this: Schedule time to stop by and see Ken. He’s going stir crazy. For that matter, so am I, so feel free to call me or come over and hang out for a bit.
And if you can think of something you can help out with, let me know. Because I’m fresh out of ideas.