Home

We are home. We left at about 5 pm and arrived home at 2:30 am. I never want to drive that fucking long in my life again. Although Ken was adorably loopy on pain medicine.... "I am agreeful," he said at one point. Which is one of the reasons I love him, of course.

Did I mention that on Hwy 14, a fucking coyote was in the middle of the road?

It's 3 am and Ken is asleep on the media room couch and I've scritched the kitties and had my much-needed glass of wine. I'm going to bed. If anyone wakes me up tomorrow morning (besides Ken) there will be hell to pay.

New stories from Soul's Road Press

Two new lesbian stories from me as Andrea Dale!

"Subtle"

Two lesbians discover whips and chains aren’t always necessary…that sometimes, it’s more fun to submit in psychologically kinky ways. A steamy hot short story by a legendary erotica heavy hitter.

“Subtle” originally appeared in Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage (Alyson Press, 2006)

Cover image by Artem Merzlenko / iStockPhoto

Available in a variety of electronic formats
Amazon |  Barnes & Noble |  Smashwords

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"Your Gift to Me"

One lesbian teaches another that her body is worth expensive, frothy scraps that reveal more than they show. A sweet, sexy, and romantic lesbian short story about the joys of pretty lingerie, by a legendary erotica heavy-hitter.

“Your Gift to Me” originally appeared in Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About Lingerie and Underwear (Alyson Press, 2006)

Cover image by Tatyana Ogryzko / iStockPhoto

Available in a variety of electronic formats
Amazon |  Barnes & Noble |  Smashwords

"Memories for Sale" in Best Erotic Romance

Whee! I sold "Memories for Sale" to Best Erotic Romance! It's available for preorder and is due out in December 2011.

I wrote "Memories for Sale" back in 2006, but it's never hit quite right with an editor until now. Sometimes that's how these things work: a perfectly good story takes time time to click with the right editor. (Just like not every story will click with every reader.) I'm chuffed that the sparkly and delightful Kristina Wright was the editor it clicked with!

"Memories for Sale" is a bittersweet story about second chances, and I'm so glad it found a home with stories from a whole slew of amazingly talented authors:

Table of Contents

Introduction: Simply the Best

What Happened in Vegas     Sylvia Day

First Night       Donna George Storey

Another Trick Up My Sleeve      Heidi Champa

Drive Me Crazy      Delilah Devlin

Once Upon a Dinner Date      Saskia Walker

He Tends To Me       Justine Elyot

Guest Services      Angela Caperton

Memories for Sale      Andrea Dale hey, that's me! :-)

Blame It On Facebook      Kate Dominic

The Draft       Craig J. Sorensen

To Be in Clover      Shanna Germain

Honey Changes Everything      Emerald

Cheating Time      Kate Pearce

Our Own Private Champagne Room      Rachel Kramer Bussel

Till the Storm Breaks      Erobintica

The Curve of Her Belly     Kristina Wright

Dawn Chorus     Nikki Magennis

Ken update: Busting out soon

Sorry for the lack of update yesterday… We’ve been busy trying to coordinate things like transport and insurance and police reports and whatnot. Plus a friend took me to the Apple store to replace Ken’s twisted-up phone (whereupon I also bought a cover for my iPad, a replacement charging cord for my iPad, and earphones for Ken’s phone), then took me out for lunch and a long ride around and through Reno. I’m looking forward to visiting again sometime when Ken and I can both enjoy the scenery. (Plus I’ve promised the friend that the next time Styx plays here, we’re taking him and his wife.  ;-)  )

Big improvements yesterday: They removed the chest tube/drains and all IVs from Ken! That makes getting up and moving around so much easier for him. We took a walk down the hall and he got to see a view from a different window, too. He’s just taking oral pain medicines, and really isn’t in any major pain at all.

Today a therapist worked with his left arm. The muscles are stiff and sore (the scapula has a whole slew of muscles attached to it), but overall the broken scapula itself doesn’t hurt when he moves. Having relatively full use of his left arm also makes things a lot easier.

Thank you all for your recommendations for hand surgeons; I’ll be compiling a list and will contact some of you for additional information if necessary.

We should be out of here in a day or two, so Ken can go stir crazy at home instead of here. Those of you who’ve offered help will be getting an email or call soon….

Ken update: That damn coyote

Happy Independence Day, everyone! Baby, you’re a firework!*

Ken’s doing great.  :-)  Yesterday afternoon he announced he was sick of his liquid diet, so he had solid food for supper and then again for breakfast today. He’s off oxygen, sat in a chair for breakfast, and took a walk around the halls with a therapist. He’s fine using his left arm to eat, etc.—it doesn’t hurt bending from the elbow, just using the upper arm. (There’s no damage to the ball joint, but the broken scapula and no doubt torn muscles are causing discomfort.)

Several friends went to look at the accident site, including our friend Ernie who’s a trained accident investigator, and then they checked over the bike as well (which a friend got from the towing company and is storing). The verdict is that an animal was involved and, in fact, hit the bike, as opposed to the other way around. Looks like it hit the front wheel, which sent the bike into a skid. Ken went off the left side, causing the broken scapula and ribs, obliterated spleen, etc. (The broken right hand could have been just from his hand slamming into the ground.) Then the bike must’ve hit the soft sand at the side of the road, because it clearly went ass over teakettle before it came to rest in the desert.

Most likely culprits are jackrabbit, coyote, or mountain lion; for some reason my bets are on a coyote. (Many, many jokes are being made about roadrunners, ACME, roller skates….) We do have a few hairs and blood—anyone out there have the CSI equipment to determine species?  ;-)

Thanks to all of our friends for taking care of Ken, the bike, his stuff, etc. Now it’s just listening to the doctors and nurses and doing what needs to be done to get better.

---

*Yes, I’m a Katy Perry fan, and proud of it.

Ken update: Thanks, hand info, transport

First, Ken would like to thank everyone for their outpouring of support—the blog/FB/Twitter comments, the emails (I hacked into his account), the folks who’ve gone out of their way to stop by. You are all freaking amazing!

Second, for some reason I can’t access the hotel’s internet in Ken’s room. I can get it fine in my “hotel” room, which is on the other end of the complex. I’m going to see if I can get it when I’m in the cafeteria…

Third, can anyone recommend a hand surgeon (either orthopedic or plastic) in the Ventura County area? Ken’s hand needs to be immobilized for about six weeks, then he needs to have the pins taken out and start doing some therapy. He should regain full function of his hand, yay! Oh, and we learned today that the broken bones were in his hand, not his fingers. Broken bones and ruptured tendons…. But again, full use of his hand will happen eventually. And his shoulder socket wasn’t injured (just his scapula) so he’ll be able to use his left hand in the meantime, once his scapula isn’t hurting quite so bad.

Fourth, to answer a popular question: He’ll probably be here in Reno for 3 or so more days. He was signed up for a mediflight service that will transport him to a hospital of our choice in Southern California, and then he’ll be released to go home.

That’s this morning’s update!  :-)

Ken update: Soon out of ICU

Ken will be moved out of ICU today (once the order processes through), which is a big step in the right direction! Now he can have clear liquids, which he’s really happy about because he’s been very thirsty (it’s very dry in the hospital). They also expect to get him up and walking a little bit. Wow.

He’s sore all over, which isn’t surprising at all, but thankfully no sharp pain; the drugs are doing their job. It hurts to breath deeply, but they’re pushing him to do that to keep his lungs in good shape. Turns out he did have surgery on his right hands so he has titanium pins in three fingers.

It’s occurred to me that with his right hand broken and his left arm in a sling (because of the broken shoulder), he’s going to require constant care for awhile.  O.o  Meep.

Re: phone calls and texts. There are several reasons why I’ve asked ya’ll not to call or text….

1. I’m already on the phone a lot keeping family updated, coordinating with local friends who are helping out, canceling appointments, etc. Sometimes I’m getting texts while I’m on the phone, or multiple calls, and I can’t juggle everything.
2. I’m talking to doctors/nurses/etc. and thus can’t stop to answer the phone.
3. I’m grabbing rest whenever I can. I can’t turn off the phone in case a nurse needs to reach me, plus I use the phone as my alarm clock.
4. I'm sitting with Ken most of the time, and if he's sleeping, the phone can wake him up.
5. I’m rapidly running out of phone battery, even w/frequent charging.
6. My earpiece died and I don’t have the charging cord (hoping to get another today, but we’ll see). It’s easier for me to hear and much more comfy to talk with an earpiece, so I’m less inclined to chat when I don’t have one.

Please believe me, I’m reading all of your emails and blog comments and FB and Twitter responses, and when Ken’s more awake I’m going to read them all to him, too. Right now there’s not a lot I need, and I’m getting hold of folks who can help when I do need something. When I get Ken home, I know I’ll need more help then.

Also, please check back here for updates on how he’s doing. This is the easiest/fastest way to keep everyone up to speed. I’ll post notes on FB/Twitter when I’ve updated here. I’m doing quickie updates on FB/Twitter (like when he got the breathing tube out) but full info will go here.

I simply don’t have time to answer individual responses, and you know why? Because I have so many fucking awesome friends that I can’t keep up. That’s what you all get for being too fucking amazing for words.

Oh, and more thank-yous:

• Nanci and Lenny for rescuing my car from the hotel in Ontario
• Brian and Brad for rescuing Ken’s bike
• Shannon and Stephen, Ken’s amazing nurses

Now, if I could just track down what happened to his wallet… It was in his motorcycle jacket, which according to the guy who rescued his bike is “only partial and in shreds.” I’m guessing it was cut off him at the scene.  O.o

Ken's going to be okay

First of all, Ken’s going to be fine. That’s the most important thing.

He was in an accident outside of Reno at about 6:30 pm last night (Thursday night). He was life-flighted to Renown Trauma Center in Reno. He was coherent enough to give the ER my name and phone number, and two different people said he was polite.  :-)  Neurologically he’s fine, and he also has no spinal injuries. The helmet, of course, saved his life.

However, they did have to remove his spleen; he has three broken ribs and some broken fingers on his right hand, a broken shoulder (which they haven’t been able to X-ray yet, but they don’t seem to think it’s bad), and one of his lungs did collapse. As of right now (2 pm Friday) he’s on a respirator but mostly breathing on his own, and they hope to take the tube out sometime this afternoon. In fact, the nurse just told me they might move him out of ICU as early as tomorrow morning.

He’s on really good pain meds so he’s a little loopy, but he smiles and squeezes my hand and indicates that he’s doing fine. That’s pretty much all I care about right now.  :-)

The ER person who called me last night has to get credit for being so damn calm, I didn’t freak out at all. In fact, I’ve been freakishly calm about everything; the only time I got a little weepy was when I thought about him being at the side of the road before someone found him. (He was on a not-well-traveled road, and we don’t know how long it was until someone came upon him, or if someone saw it happen, or whatever. We also may never know what exactly happened; most people don’t remember. The state troopers who were first on the scene may be able to shed some light…but it’s really not important, all things considered.)

I also have to credit our friends Ernie and Pauline, who’d come down for the IBR finish and in fact arrived just as I was getting the call—they sat with me and Ernie made lots of phone calls. Ken’s mom was there, too, and another friend. Lisa with the Rally booked my flight to Reno this morning and was also just calm and amazing. Here in Reno, bikers Brian and John have been at the hospital since last night, Brian picked me up at the airport, and they both got me situated here at the hospital (which turned one floor of one wing into a hotel, so I even have a place to sleep, shower, etc., for a reasonable rate).

Please feel free to leave comments and well wishes here or on Facebook, and when Ken’s more coherent I’ll read them all to him. For right now, though, please don’t call or text—I’m busy enough keeping family apprised and I can’t always answer the phone. I know you’re out there, and you care.

Right now I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do except send positive energy and well wishes. When we get home, I will probably have to ask for some help during his recovery.

He’s gonna be okay. That’s all that matters.

xoxo to you all

IBR primer

I’m going to be posting (mostly on Facebook and Twitter) about Ken’s progress in the Iron Butt Rally, so I thought it would be useful to do a quick primer here, to get everyone up to speed on what I’ll be babbling about.

The IBR is an 11-day, 11,000-plus-mile endurance motorcycle event, kind of like a scavenger hunt via motorcycle. Bonus locations are all over the US (including Alaska) and into Canada, and have different points, so part of the challenge is to figure out how to get the maximum number of points in the time frame you have. There are also mandatory timed checkpoints that you must make.

About 1000 people apply to run the rally every two years; 100 are chosen. Because there is a minimum number of points you have to get, you can conceivably hit all the required checkpoints and still not “finish.” About 60 people actually finish.

More people have gone into space than run the IBR. More people climb Mt. Everest every year than have run the IBR since its start in 1984.

Ken got interested in rallies a few years ago and began running shorter ones, which happen all over the country during the year. He applied, but wasn’t chosen in the lottery, for the 2009 IBR. Then he won four shorter rallies in a row—something nobody had ever done before. About a month and a half before the 2009 IBR, he got a call inviting him in. His response (as was correct) was “Let me check with my wife.”  ;-)

Everyone else had about a year to prepare. He had a month and a half. And on his very first IBR, he came in 9^th.

He headed up to Oregon last week to do final work on the bike in a friend’s shop, then ran the short Cal24 rally to give the bike a shakedown. (Yeah, and he won, too!) Tomorrow he’s off to Seattle for the starting checkpoint, where there will be tech inspections and a riders’ meeting and a banquet and all that sort of thing.

As I did 2009, before he left I took an official “start” picture. Unfortunately, he left after dark, and my camera flash had fun with the reflective material on his jacket…. This was the best I could do.

I will be posting FB/Twitter updates on his progress as I can. I’ll be at an intensive writing workshop for the first 8 or so days of the rally….

Emails of encouragement may be sent to him via email, but please understand he won’t be able to respond. Also, comments on my posts are unlikely to get to him, due to my workshop, etc.

The rally finish is in Ontario, CA, on Friday, July 1, from 8–10 am. If anyone wants to join me there, ping me privately for details!


Edited to add


Ken was still working on the bike in Portland when I flew in yesterday, so he came to the airport to give me kisses.  :-)  So I was able to take a proper "start" picture, which is also more proper because a few hours later he really did leave for the IBR start in Seattle.

"Just Be"

I was sure Sarita was going to leave me; the signs were all there. I was too wrapped up in law school to give her the love and attention she needed. Imagine my surprise when I learned that what she really planned was to teach me how to let go and…just be. A romantic lesbian short story from a legendary erotica heavy-hitter.

“Just Be” originally appeared in Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica (Alyson Books, 2007) and was republished in Coming Together: At Last, Vol. 2 (Phaze Books, 2009)

Available in a variety of electronic formats

Amazon |  Barnes & Noble |  Smashwords

Things to read! And some are free!

I’m traveling again (or is it still?) and will be traveling for most of the month (now it’s GA, visiting my sister; then it’s 11 days in Oregon for a workshop; then the IBR finish and Labyrinth of Jareth)…so I apologize for my not being here much. And for the fact that this is kind of turning into a writing/publications blog.

I will do better, I promise. I have lots of things I want to write about, when I can scrape together the time! (The fiction has to come first.)

In the meantime, some groovy publishing news:

First, Sweet Confessions: Erotic Fantasies for Couples is now available for pre-order! Alison Tyler is giving away a copy, if you want to mosey on over to her blog and make a bid for it.

Sweet Confessions contains my story “New Day, New Life,” about a woman recovering from an illness and wanting to experience life to the fullest. It also has a Sophie Mouette story, “Sacred Places,” about a couple discovering a shared dark fantasy.

It’s edited by the venerable Violet Blue, and may be spotlighted on an OWN network show (!!), and has a slew of wonderful authors, so…. It comes out next month, but you can preorder it now.

Next, I wanted to let all you Kindle users know about two free short stories I have up on Amazon for your enjoyment.

“What Dragons Prefer” is a humorous fantasy story, written as Dayle A. Dermatis:

A dragon slayer arrives to rescue a threatened town, but the real threat and the dragon’s true desires are not necessarily one and the same.

The story first appeared in Marion Zimmer Bradley’s Fantasy Magazine, Fall 1994; and republished in Dragons: A Celebration of the Greatest of Mythical Creatures, January 1996.

“From Bitter to Sweet” is a literary erotica story (nothing terribly explicit in it), written as Andrea Dale:

An erotic lesbian short-short story about breakups, new love, and chocolate. Go ahead—savor it. Let it melt on your tongue…. The story
originally appeared in Got a Minute? 60 Second Erotica (Cleis Press, 2007)

Both of these are short-shorts, and really too short for me to charge for them—but the downside is, even though they’re labeled as such, reviewers are complaining that they’re, you guessed it, too short! So, y’know, if you like them, it would please me greatly if you posted a nice review. That’s always better payment to me than money!

(My mom and my sister are both still asleep, so I’m gonna get back to work now!)

Paranormal erotic romance - and it's funny, too!

"In a Handbasket"

When the demons set their sights on underwear model Sam Hanes, demon hunter Delia Vance comes to his rescue. But the only thing burning hotter than hell is the attraction Delia and Sam feel for each other…. A scorchingly sexy, hellaciously humorous short story.

Available in a variety of electronic formats

Amazon |  Barnes & Noble |  Smashwords

My morning so far

My morning so far:

1 am

set alarm for 7:30 am to take cats to vet. ugh.

7:30 am

alarm goes off

7:31 am

look across room. why does Ken’s clock say 6:31?

7:32 am

go to office, determine from cell phone that it reallly is 6:32 am

6:33 am

WTF happened to my alarm clock? reset time/alarm

7:09 am

give up trying to go back to sleep

The next 20 minutes consist of failing to give Eostre her first pill, losing her second pill, eating a hard-boiled egg, getting dressed, getting out the cat boxes, spraying the cat boxes with Feliway, and saying to Ken “I’ll pull the car around.”

The next 10 minutes consist of the cats wailing in their boxes while we scour the house, garage, and even the recycling bin outside for the car keys. (Ken swears the backup key is in the garage, which I interpret as “Well, hell, we’ll never see that again.”) Inexplicably find keys in the basket I use to carry stuff around the house in, even though Ken was the last one to use the keys when he unloaded the car after our Costco run yesterday. Suspect the cats hid them.

8:15 am

return home to empty house

I’m never comfortable when the cats are left at the vet. I suspect there isn’t enough tea in the world to get me through today….

The end of the world as we know it...

"Famous Last Words"

You think you’re panicking about the e-book revolution? How do you think the print books feel? A funny short story about the end of the publishing world as we know it….

Available in a variety of electronic formats
Amazon |  Barnes & Noble |  Smashwords

Sweetly confessing two new story sales!

I’m thrilled to announce two new sales—well, a sale and a half, really—to the über-legendary Violet Blue!

“New Day, New Life” (as Andrea Dale) and “Sacred Places” (as Sophie Mouette, written with Teresa Noelle Roberts) will both appear in Sweet Confessions: Erotic Fantasies for Couples in July 2011!

Interestingly, both stories involve travel, couples out of their natural environment and being more adventurous than they would be at home.

“New Day, New Life,” opens on the Charles Bridge in Prague, with the protagonists watching a mostly naked go-go dancer in the window of a nightclub. That part of the story is taken from real life…!

“Sacred Places” takes place in Britain, mostly in a ruined monastery. I don’t remember if Teresa and discussed exactly where, but in my mind it’s a combination of Tintern Abbey and Llanthony Priory, both sites we’ve been to together. (At this rate, I should be able to write my entire time in Britain off on taxes, given how many stories I’ve set there!)

Sweet Confessions: Erotic Fantasies for Couples is available for preorder. Enjoy!

Happy. Really, just happy.

I’m feeling very blessed right now, very grateful for all I have in my life.

Oh, it’s not perfect, of course. I just deleted a paragraph about what’s not good, what’s weighing on me, things I need to improve and things that are out of my control. That’s not what this post is about.

Here’s what the past few weeks have brought me:

• A hugely beneficial workshop on the beautiful Oregon Coast, giving me more tools I need to succeed in the business I truly love. It’s never been a better time to be a writer!
• A car trip to AZ and NM and back with an utterly wonderful man who inspires me and challenges me and makes me laugh. It’s easy to take people for granted, especially when you’re close to them. The trip, and watching Ken with other people, reminded me just how amazing he is.
• For that matter, travel. I love seeing new places, experiencing new things. One day we went to a ghost town and by the end of it, I had so many bits and pieces and shiny gems and copper pennies that will someday gel into a story. Or maybe a series of stories. Possibly with Mopsy Rothschild as the protagonist.
• Front row at a Styx concert (pictures to come). Sure, it involved being the only three people in line for hours, but it was worth it. (Hanging out with Sara any time is worth it!) I’m grateful to have the money and time to be able to hit my 110^th show, and also to know that the band appreciates my presence. Plus there’s nothing like walking out of one’s hotel room, looking over the railing, and seeing the crew and a few band members in the parking lot below tossing a football back and forth…. Styx’s music has brought me through the bad times, and still does.
• Friends. Oh, the friends! Sara, who seems to be my twin in so many ways—okay, I’m going to complain here only to whine why can’t she live closer, dammit?! Vicki-Marie (crap, she lives in Paris, so my whining just got a lot louder), with her whip-sharp mind that makes me feel smarter just talking with her, and her delightful laugh that makes my heart sing.
• Tea at St. James Tearoom with Ken and Vicki-Marie and V-M’s Tony and Pati and her husband Chris. (Pati also goes in that friends category, and the writer category I haven’t even gotten to yet!) They put us, appropriately enough, in the room inspired by the Bird and Baby pub where the Inklings (Tolkien, Lewis, etc.) met—how appropriate for Pati and I! And then today, tea at Fresh & Fabulous with an amazing group of local writers—Christine, Kim, Sheila, Tanya, and I were there for two and half hours, talking and laughing about writing and everything else, for that matter.
• An incredible access to incredible story: books, TV, music, friends’ tales and anecdotes, and more. Story fills my life, illuminates and illustrates all life. 

I think some of my joy comes from the diversity in my life and in myself. For example, at concerts, sure, I’m wearing a low-cut top and flirting with Lawrence (much to Ken’s amusement), but it’s a persona, and we all know it. I’m a fan, and I’m also a writer, a reader,  a traveler, a scholar, a friend, a wife, a lover, a seeker, a dreamer. And right now, I’m blessed and grateful that I have access to the things that allow me to be all that.

This is long and rambly and not as focused as I would like, and I wish I had more time to talk about every one of these things at length. But all that traveling means I really have to focus on work right now! In the past few days I’ve finished a CES story, started a copyediting job, designed a book cover, and prepped a story to go online. In the next few days, I have a novel to finish editing (and then another one to finish editing), short stories to write, copyediting to do, stories to prep for online, and, um…. ::checks To Do list::  Ooh, and a lot more! So I’m diving in! Whee!

More stories available!

I've been remiss in mentioning the latest stories that are available from Soul's Road Press! I've also been remiss in updating what we've been up to, including a trip to AZ (Styx!) and NM (Vicki-Marie! Pati! tea!) so these will have to suffice for now!

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"Finding Perspective" (Andrea Dale)

Is there anything so depressing as being away from your lover on Valentine’s Day? But then she calls…and she has a surprise up her sleeve. A sweet, sexy, and unabashedly romantic lesbian Valentine’s Day story from a legendary erotica heavy-hitter.

“Finding Perspective” originally appeared in Ultimate Lesbian Erotica 2007 (Alyson Press, 2007)

Available in a variety of electronic formats
Amazon |  Barnes & Noble |  Smashwords

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I Need a Man" (Andrea Dale)

An erotic lesbian love story about crossdressing, androgyny, and 80s New Wave music, by a legendary erotica heavy-hitter.

“I Need a Man” by Andrea Dale explores the fun you can have with your lover when trying new things.
— Examiner.com

“I Need a Man” originally appeared in Crossdressing: Erotic Stories (Cleis Press, 2007)

Available in a variety of electronic formats
Amazon |  Barnes & Noble |  Smashwords

New cover

I'm working on a new cover—what do ya'll think? Is this a story you'd want to read?

One of those to-do list thingies again

Things to Do Today

• pack for trip
• pick up supplements
• mail package
• drive to AZ while answering email and generally getting caught up via my new iPad. Shiny! (Note: If I’m working, Ken will be driving. Really, people. Logic is your friend.)

Things to Do Tomorrow

• celebrate the Rapture at a Styx concert with Ken and Sara and her Helen

Things to Do After That

• drive to NM
• have joyous reunion with Vicki-Marie (funnels will be involved)
• have high tea with Ken and Vicki-Marie and her beau and Pati and maybe her husband
• work
• drive home while answering email and generally getting caught up
• sleep
• get up and start working again

Fangirl squeeing

Tuesday last we went to a taping of Jimmy Kimmel Live, because Nathan Fillion was the main guest, and, well, Nathan Fillion! The way these things work is that you get free tickets online. Yes, free, although it’s first-come, first-served, so if they run out, that’s that.

So we get there and wait in line outside the El Capitan Theatre, where one of the PAs from the company that handles the tickets chats with us. He’d moved to LA from Iowa two weeks before. I commented to Ken afterwards that it had been clear he was new to LA by the mere fact that he was so friendly! Then we went inside and stood in line, except for running downstairs to go to the bathroom, because once we were in the theatre, we’d be trapped for two hours with no bathroom breaks. Seriously.

When we got into the studio set itself, we were met by Linc, a very cute young Southern gentlemen who was the head PA or something like that. He was directing people to sets. There were two rows of seats on the floor, right up against the low stage (with an aisle in the middle where the stage actually extended a bit; that’s where Jimmy does his monologue); then, behind those seats was an aisles; and behind that were theatre-style seats. We noted that the second row of the floor seats was mostly empty on the left side (where we were coming in), even though they’d directed a lot of people to the upper seats. Hm. Linc said we looked like we were there to have fun, and we agreed, and Ken looked pointedly at the empty second-row seats, and I bounced a little, and Linc asked us where we were from, and I said Oxnard, which seemed to confuse him, and then he decided we were good candidates to be in that second row, wooh! Although I was a dork and tripped because there was a little lip as you stepped into the row. Argh.

Once we were all seated, Linc told our two rows that when Jimmy first came in (before the taping started) our job was to stand up and applaud and cheer. Then he talked to all of us, trying to get us riled up a big, teaching us how to cheer and applaud and laugh loudly. No kidding. I mean, I do get this—live theatre (and live music, for that matter) needs clear feedback. Actors/musicians feed on that energy and approval. So while it seemed a little forced (especially to laugh at jokes that weren’t terribly funny or that we didn’t get because we weren’t up on the politics/gossip/news), the reasoning was sound.

After Linc deemed our noise at going to 10 (not on a scale that went to 11), he turned us over to a comedian guy we’ll call Uncle Fester because he was round-faced and bald. I really preferred looking at Linc, but my opinion wasn’t considered in the matter, and besides, I was really there for Nathan, right? Uncle Fester worked to keep us laughing and clapping so we didn’t forget our noise level responsibilities. He did a lot of audience participation: where were people from (with commentary), did anyone have questions, did anyone have a talent (we were treated to double-jointed-thumb woman and a singer who was actually really good—by that time the band had come in, so they were able to accompany him). The only question I could come up with was kinda lame, and I couldn’t think of any talent I have that I could perform on stage in front of a bunch of strangers, so I won neither a t-shirt nor the Apple gift card. Uncle Fester also explained when we were supposed to clap (before and after each commercial break) and showed us the signals we should look for.

Jimmy came out, we stood and cheered, and he said a few words before going back to the green room or wherever he goes right before the show. Various crew zipped around doing crew things with cue cards (no teleprompter, which surprised us) and cameras and putting out the little table next to the couch. I noticed they all wore jeans. Decent-but-utilitarian shirts and jeans and reasonably comfy shoes (no super high heels on any of the women).

Nathan (yay!) was charming and funny and has adorable crinkle lines around his eyes when he smiles. When Jimmy started a question/conversation with the fact that Nathan has a lot of Twitter followers, I was the first to “Wooh!”, but although he looked in the direction of our rows, he didn’t catch my eye directly. Ah well. He heard me.  ;-)

During the first commercial break, two makeup girls darted out to touch up Jimmy and Nathan’s makeup. They had clear plastic makeup bags, and were totally tarted up themselves in skirts and high heels (unlike everyone else), which amused me.

Nathan’s visit was far too short. The next guests were the latest person to get bumped from Dancing With the Stars along with their dance partner, and since it was nobody I cared about (rapper), so that was that.

After the guests were done, we were all shuffled outside to basically a big parking lot, where an enormous full stage had been set up for tonight’s musical guest, which was some Grammy-winning band from Puerto Rico that we’d never heard of. There were already folks out there; Ken overheard someone saying they’d been there since noon. Even with the inside audience there, the standing area was just over half full. The folks towards the back were told to crowd around Jimmy when he came out (on a little platform) to announce the band. Uncle Fester was now on stage trying to keep us animated. Of course, once Nathan had left, Ken and I had been ready to go, but again, out of courtesy to the band, I at least bopped in time to the music, even though it was far from my thing (Caribbean-laced rap, essentially). I even pumped my fist and yelled “Woah woah woah” during the second song, as instructed.

After the second song, however, the actual taping of the show was over, so we were able to escape and go across the street and have dinner, because by then it was after 9 and we were starving.

And that is my story of how I was 25 feet from Nathan Fillion and didn’t get arrested for trying to hug him for being such an awesomely nice guy and amazingly fabby actor. The end.